A Tribute to Mr. Tony

Today was a sad day for hundreds (thousands?) of sports talk fans across the country. Our beloved fat, bald, orange dope broadcast his last show this morning in preparation to take on the role of analyst for Monday Night Football in the fall. Yes, the man we call TK, Mr. Tony and Satchmo (among other things), Tony Kornheiser, signed off again (for the third time, no less) to allow his body to adapt to having to stay up past 9pm so he'll be able to make it through the Monday night game without falling asleep. And no, I'm not kidding about this. Mr. Tony's early bedtime is legendary to his fans who listen live on DC's Sportstalk 980 or on the internet via ThisWebsiteStinks.com.

As my regular readers know, I'm something of a sports fan, in addition to being a pop culture maven. In Pittsburgh, sportstalk usually consists of 1) The Steelers, 2) The Steelers, 3) The Steelers and 4) every other team in town, but only if necessary. Look, I love football. I was a nervous wreck during the entire Super Bowl, and I'll be riveted to the NFL Draft this weekend (more on this in a future entry). But I can only take so much talk about what the Steelers' chances of repeating are or what the loss of Randle-El will mean to the team and so on and so on. I crave intelligent, non-yinzer sportstalk. And that's where Mr. Tony comes in.

When ESPN Radio debuted in town, I was forced to listen to that godawful Fabulous Sports Babe. Talk about a misnomer. Yeesh. Anyway, after the powers-that-be at the four letter network gave her the boot, they replaced her with this sportswriter out of DC named Tony Kornheiser. I'd never heard of the dude, but I figured I'd give him a shot. Well, it didn't take me very long to become a disciple of the Orange One.

Mr. Tony's show wasn't your run-on-the-mill sports talk show. On any given day, he might barely talk about sports at all, in favor of politics or movies or TV or any other thing that would drive him half crazy. I began to look forward to those moments when Tony would go off on an epic rant about something he had seen on "The Today Program" or something that had happened to him on the way to the studio that morning or any number of things that would infuriate him. It was as if some higher power created a talk radio program just for me. If I wanted to learn things about sports, I'd go to ESPN.com. But if I wanted to hear a non-spin perspective on the world of sports and entertainment, I'd tune over to Mr. Tony.

About two years ago (I think), Mr. Tony left the airwaves over a dispute with ESPN. Eighteen months ago he resurfaced back in DC. I didn't start listening right away (out of the loop, as usual), but only because I didn't know it had happened. But by total chance, I stumbled upon his show (which I found I was able to listen to online), and ever since then, Mr. Tony has been a regular part of my day from 9 to 1. And now, he's gone again, and I don't know how I'm going to make it through the first part of the work day anymore.

I'll miss Andy Polley and the sports updates that Tony always interrupts, Gary "Big Time" Braun and his 4th grade sense of humor, John "Junior" Feinstein and his amazing pomposity, Stephen Hunter and his awful movie reviews, the ever-boring Sam Smith, Tony's Mailbag, Old Guy Radio, Bob Ryan and his terrible phone, Nigel and his great Christopher Walken impression, incessant talk about the Redskins, Tony's general cluelessness about electronic items, rants on how much TK is going to stink on MNF, Tony's fear of flying and the lengths he's going to have to go to to travel to the game sites, the "email machine", and so many more things that I just can't think of right now. Monday morning is going to be so strange without Mr. Tony to listen to. No where else will I be able to hear intelligent, funny, and thought-provoking sports radio. Mr. Tony may be twice my age, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a teeny weeny crush on him. What can I say? He appeals to my snarkishness.

Oh, while I'm at it, let me give a big shout out to the guys and gals of the Andy Polley Happy Fun Time Message Board Extravaganza. For the first time today (during the last show), I posted on the board and was immediately welcomed with open arms. I couldn't stay long (stupid work), but I hope to make the occasional appearance just to say hi, even if there's no show to chat about. Thanks guys, for making me feel right at home.

Good luck with Monday Night Football, Mr. Tony. You may think you're gonna stink, but I think you're going to be amazing. You'll be the only reason I'll even be watching MNF, which has become a really dull show in recent years. Just keep that dope Joe Theismann in line and come back to us littles when you're done. We'll all be here, waiting, counting the days until the end of the season or when you've had enough and decide to quit.

Au revoir, Satch. See ya soon.

~Sara